Senin, 28 Februari 2011

It hits me again and again. I just have to survive with this all. Happiness and sadness come together in my heart. It hurts me much. I try to ignore it, but I can’t. The more I do the more I feel. Crying is not the way out although it helps me for a while. I hate this feeling. However, at the same time, I do love it. It is really complicated. It also bothers me.
Knowing the truth really hurts me. I realize that something impossible can be a possible one of God has decided it for His human. It is too beautiful for me. I just have to pass this all bravely and patiently. I do believe that God loves me with His own unique way that is really different from others. So God, thank for giving me all blessings, all my beloved family (Dad, Mom, Sister, Brother, Sister-in-law, Nephew, and Niece), all friendships I got with wonderful people around (Ukhtee, Mimi, Bunda), all amazing officemates, all my fantastic students, and all my lovely housemates. I love you all with all the way I am.
I really miss her. I lose her for several weeks. I do not know the reasons why she does this to me. Last week when I went home late after watching movie with my ‘soul mate’, I greeted her but she only kept silent. I thought because she was really serious in watching TV. In the morning, when I asked her the price of Joger jacket (because she had ever been in Bali), she answered ‘No’ with the cruel intonation. It shocked me much. What was my mistake? Did I do something wrong with her? My roommate also said that she also did the same thing to her. In fact, the night before when she talked to her, she was still nice. On Sunday when I told her that I bought the next Anne of the Green Gables series, she just kept silent. Her face was really vicious. That made me stressful. Then I decided to go out to Bogor Trade Mall to avoid something bad that could be happened.


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